Message 3 of 4 in our “Ever After…” series.
Marriage is precious to God. He gave us marriage as a gift to be treasured. In order to truly treasure anything, we must invest in it and our marriages need a great deal of investment. Those investments come to us during the significant moments we experience together.
Malachi 2:15 NLT Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.
Ephesians 5:16 NLT Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days
It is very important to make time for your marriage. But, how do we make those moments matter?
***Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. – Vicki Corona
What is a meaningful moment? The above quote was made popular in the romantic comedy, Hitch (2005). It resonates with us because we know life is so much more than minutes, hours, appointments, or even vacations. It’s importance in marriage cannot be exaggerated. Isn’t it true that when we marry we intend to spend a lot of time together? But life happens, we have responsibilities and time slips away.
Our english word moment simply means a “point in time” but the origins of the word come from a Latin word. This is the same Latin word from which we derive the word momentum. The literal meaning of this latin word is to ‘turn the scales”. So we could safely define a moment as a point in time makes a difference. So, when we are having a moment, we are experiencing time together that makes a difference.
How do we find moments that matter? To begin with, there is no substitute for larger quantities of time. It’s much easier to find precious moments when you invest more of them into each other. It is also helpful to find moments within regular intervals of time. Regular habits of spending time together open the door for a “moment” to walk through. And it is also helpful to find moments when we intentionally focus upon our marriage through getaways, counseling, a support group, and even seasons set aside for personal growth.
What does that look like? For some, it is face to face time. This kind of time together time is fully engaged mind, body and soul communication. For others, they will get just as much from side by side time. Which is time in each others presence, simple sharing experiences without necessarily processing them.
Make Moments LAST
Proverbs 5:18-19 NLT Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
It easy to forget after a terse exchange between spouses that God intended marriage to be enjoyable. A good marriage will develop an ability to move out of the difficult moments and linger in the significant ones.
Learn to Enjoy the Moments.How quickly a moment can be left behind simply because of a self imposed expectation or schedule. In order to make a marriage better, we must become better at lingering within those significant moments. The longer we spend in these connected moments the better we will understand each other and the more completely we listen to each other.
Learn to Relive the Moments. An evening over a scrapbook, a perusal through the family photos, or possibly an evening enjoying music that stirs memories are some ways we relive the moments. After all, why enjoy a moment once when we could share it again and again?
Fearlessly Dream up New Moments. Often planning a moment is just as rewarding as the moment itself. We could almost effortlessly reinvigorate our marriages simply by dreaming together about the future.
Make Moments DEEP
Psalms 42:7 ESV Deep calls to deep
Learn to pray with each other. When we listen to our spouse pray, we are not listening to answer or defend. We are listening to a heart cry out to God. There is no better way to get to know a person than through prayer.
Learn to reflect upon each other. Do we really understand our partner? Often, especially when times are tense, we think every problem is about us and requires a solution or a defense. Often, it’s not that at all. It may just be the security of knowing our spouse is there for us no matter what. It could be a cry for affirmation. We won’t know until we learn to be patient, lower our defenses and really love each other.
Learn to connect with one another. – Connection meets two absolutely critical needs. Our need to be Known and our need to be Valued. Our need to be known is not about information and history but rather about comprehension. It’s about being understood. And, being Valued is important because of our fears. In a marriage, vulnerability is critical to intimacy. To be vulnerable, we must reveal ourselves. When we reveal ourselves there is risk that we will be rejected. When we reveal ourselves and we are valued, we connect!
The “happily ever after” that everyone wants is just the other side of these moments that matter.
Let’s Talk About It
- What are your first thoughts regarding today’s topic? Please share with the group.
- Recall an experience together from a year ago or so that you still hold as a meaningful moment. What made the moment matter?
- When was the last time you were mindful of moving a moment toward significance?
- How could you move an otherwise ordinary moments of your life toward a meaningful exchange in your relationship? (I.E. Hello, Goodbye, a tough day)
- Discuss the word connect in regard to your marriage. What helps you feel connected?
- What routines to you have in your marriage that help you connect with each other?
- Is there anything in today’s topic that you would be excited to share with a friend?